Anyone who knows me well knows that I am a talker. I love to go on and on (if I’m allowed). But when it comes to things that cut deep I have become more silent as I have gotten older. The wounds of past betrayals and friends spreading my secrets has taken its toll. Sometimes the need to vent feels like complaining and comes with its own set of possible ramifications. The process of determining who deserves to share in your vulnerability can become as daunting as dealing with the situation being seen as vulnerable and sacred to you. How do we navigate?
It’s important to first remember that we cannot pour from an empty cup. I recall a Super Soul Sunday episode with Oprah and Iyanla Vanzant where Iylana said that you make the other person a thief when you give to them what you did not have to share with them in the first place! They are unknowing participants in the thievery of YOU! This hit home for me. As a person who tries to give, even when I am not in the emotional, mental or physical space to give, I had to check my own behavior. You must allow yourself the room to pour back into yourself to be whole again. Only when you are whole can you serve your kids, family, and friends.
A part of filling up your cup is having someone to turn to when you need to just vent. Sometimes we just need to get it all out. Even if you aren’t looking for advice, it can be nice to know you have a place to go to be vulnerable, safely. Who is this person for you? How do you feel if you can’t come up with a name?
If no one seems worthy of your venting then it’s time to evaluate your circle, and to seek out someone neutral. A therapist is such a great resource. We do not need to have a therapist only when we are going through extreme times, just like we do not only have an OBGYN when we are expecting a baby. There are so many other times and purposes to go to a trusted therapist. He or she can serve as a familiar place you go to where a few drops are added back into your cup. Yes, it can be the refill that you need.
Once your cup is full, it’s time to determine whether you are the type of friend someone can vent to. Sit with this question and grow from your answer. Now, share with your children what it means to be a trustworthy friend. We definitely need more people in the world who are intentionally raised to be honest and trustworthy.
Make it a great Saturday. Take care of yourself. And share this with a friend.
