Since I began baking bread as a hobby in my home, I noticed I was putting on extra pounds. I love warm, fresh bread with butter on top, but the magic comes with a price – my waistline. So, I downloaded the ClassPass app and booked a kickboxing class at a local UFC gym. This led me to taking Muay Thai technique classes (which I had taken a few years prior), and that is when I met a woman who introduced me to Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ).
Little did I know, the invitation to a BJJ class the following day would lead me to discover a way to be a better mom. I started taking BJJ classes almost daily, to the point where people started asking me if I was training for a competition. After only 8 weeks of live training in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, I signed up for a local NAGA tournament where I competed as a brand new white belt.
I competed one more time and then invited my children to watch me compete in a Connecticut International Brazilian Jiu Jitsu Federation (IBJJF) competition. It was amazing for them to watch me prepare for the competition and reap the rewards of my efforts by winning gold. My kids and I were overjoyed. This made me reflect on my BJJ journey and I realized how much it had improved my motherhood.
Being a mother is a full-time job that requires a lot of physical, emotional, and mental energy. As much as I love being a mom, I realized that I needed something to keep myself motivated and energized. That’s when I found Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ).
At first, I hesitated to start a hobby that required so much physical activity and time. However, I soon realized that BJJ was exactly what I needed to feel more energized, happy, and focused in my daily life. The workout not only improved my physical health but also boosted my mental clarity and confidence.
BJJ has taught me many important life lessons that have made me a better mom. Firstly, it has taught me the importance of patience and persistence. Just like in BJJ, being a mom requires constant effort and determination. Secondly, it has taught me how to handle stressful situations calmly and with a clear mind. This has helped me become a better problem solver and decision maker in my daily life.
Moreover, BJJ has given me a sense of community and support. It has helped me connect with people who share similar interests and goals, which has been invaluable in providing me with a support system outside of my family. This is especially important if you are a stay-at-home mother. Sometimes, as mothers, we only look for hobbies that can be done at home, but building a face-to-face community releases all types of oxytocin (plus, the dopamine from the workout and the feeling of joy will be next level).
The mental health support was something I truly needed after suffering from postpartum depression and PTSD. Each time I learned a new skill or met a new friend to share BJJ Instagram reels with in the DMs, I grew more comfortable sharing more of who I am with the world, but most importantly, with my family. I was a more chill, more physical mom playing outside with my kids. I even enrolled them in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu kids’ classes, and we get to bond over BJJ as well. I hope this will help me a lot when I have teenage boys in the future. We will have something to talk about at the dinner table for sure.
To dive a little bit deeper into this topic (because that is what we do) it is important to have hobbies so that you aren’t vicariously living through your children. Do not be disappointment when they quit a sport, or don’t win gold, or are tired of performing. Understand that their journey will not be the same as yours. If you busy yourself with your own extracurricular activity goals, then you will be able to relate, empathize and communicate about the difficulties of maintaining this type of pressure. You will emotionally and psychotically bond with your family with these conversations as well as heal any inner child issues that you are just now discovering in your life journey.
Now, “Me Time” is redefined from simply being alone or getting a manicure, to pouring back into myself and my personal development. Just as I seek activities to help my children learn valuable skills, be a part of a community, and set goals to accomplish in their given activity, I seek to create the same process in my life. This not only builds up the parent as a layered individual for the child to observe, but also keeps the parent from falling into the trap of making their children their trophies. Some parents accidentally place the pressure on their children to fill the competitive sports’ lack that they have or a lack in other areas. However, if you have a hobby that makes you examine your own personal growth on a consistent basis, naturally you will place less pressure on your children’s performances as well as empathize with them when they are having a difficult time putting too much pressure on themselves. As moms, we consistently put a lot of pressure on ourselves to do everything for everyone every day.
I firmly believe that mothers should have hobbies to help them stay motivated and energized. Brazilian Jiu Jitsu has not only helped me improve my physical and mental health but has also taught me important life skills that have made me a better mom. Take the first step of starting the work of establishing a hobby. Trust me, it is far more difficult to just start than to maintain your hobby once you have decided that it will be a non-negotiable part of your life. Your hobby may not be jiu-jitsu competition, but find your tribe and commit. You won’t regret it!
